So, my husband is in the army, which, by default, means that my whole family is in the army. I kind of chuckled just now as I wrote that sentence because I pictured my little girls marching in formation in all kinds of TA-50 gear...too funny. Anyway, he's joined in the Spring of 2009, just before our twins turned 1. He left right after their 1st birthday, and came home right around Halloween. For a while he was a reservist. Ya know, 1 weekend a month, 2 weeks a year (which is kind of a lie, because it's generally closer to 3 weeks...I know, I know, not the point). No big deal, reservists don't go to war...except, they do. His unit had just gotten back while he was in training, and was preparing to leave again shortly after he got home. (They are now deployed in support of Operation New Dawn.) Soon after BCT/AIT, he knew he wanted to go active duty. The pay/benefits were just too good for our growing family to pass up. He was seriously working 60-70 hrs/week, and we were just barely making it. And by "just barely," I mean we had food stamps and WIC, we didn't pay our car insurance, and our car payments and rent were always late.
It took about 8 for his conditional release paperwork to come through from his reserve unit. That came through in June. He had to go back to MEPS, be discharged (honorably, I might add) from the US Army Reserves and join the "regular army." (Again, also funny when you think that this implies the reserves and NG are "irregular army.") Then, he enlisted active duty, we were given the option of him going to Korea by himself for 1-3 years, or going to Ft Riley as a family. KS here we come...sort of. I mean, we both grew up like 12 miles from the border between MO and KS, so it definitely wasn't that much of a change. When he got to Ft Riley, his unit was deployed. They said they were going to put him on the list to go over, but plans changed over night, it seemed like, and he ended up staying in KS with us. His unit got home last March. HOORAY! Except that then, the talk of when the next deployment was going to be started up. Seriously, they got home in March, and by April they were talking about when it was going to happen again.
Aren't they entitled to some time home? Is that what you were asking yourself? I'm sure it was, and the answer is...sort of. One year home/soldier. Two/unit. Unless the Army REALLY, REALLY needs said soldier/unit. And, apparently, the Army really needs my husbands unit. Codey went to Alaska in July/August to do...I'm not completely sure what, and by the time he got back, there was already a unit gone. Home just long enough to knock up their wives, wash their laundry from the desert and pack it all up again. (Seriously, lots of women are now pregnant without husbands because they had to leave so quickly after coming home. Kind of sad.)
It might sound as though I'm talking in riddles, or being extremely non specific, and ... I am. I am not allowed to give details because of troop safety and operational security. You never know what kinda of Taliban wife is going to be reading my blog. I would hate for them to pass on information from an Army wife in the middle of no where. But, seriously, I can't share specifics...ever. I don't want to be responsible for somebody dying/not leaving when they're supposed to/not coming home when they're supposed to/getting blown up and what have you. I'd much rather just follow the rules. No specifics about troop movements. (You'll have to watch the news for that. They seem to be the ones to give out all the info.)
Anyway, Codey's unit is set to leave. Not for a while, but soon enough for me. I understand that plans are fluid and can change quickly, but for reals...they're deploying. I just recently realized that I have some super duper ridiculous anxiety about it. It's not for another XX months, but I'm already anxious and nervous. Not the kind of anxious and nervous that requires medication, but the kind that requires some sort of attention for sure.
See, here's the thing... I'm pregnant. Baby number 4 is due in just a few weeks. Like, 12-14 to be somewhat exact. The good news is Codey will be here for the delivery ... if they aren't on a training mission somewhere. Then, after the baby is here, he's going to leave. Now, I don't mean that he's leaving the as soon as the little kid pops out. Remember, I'm giving no specifics. For all you know, he could be on a plane anywhere from 6 hrs-10 months after it comes out. So, OPSEC Nazis...CALM DOWN!
Last night, I started a stupid fight with Codey for absolutely no reason other than I could. Kind of dumb, I know. Well, actually, a lot dumb, but still. I was just so frustrated with him, for reasons that I could not explain. I have turned into a "stage 5 clinger." I want Codey near me all the time. And, for those of you who know me, I'm not like that with him. Honestly. If he wants to go outside and tinker in the cold, by all means, go for it. Don't expect me to like it. However, here recently, I'm like, "NO! Just sit on the couch with me." It's disgusting, honestly.
I couldn't figure out why I was doing that. I mean, this deployment is pretty far off, and I'm already like this? How is going to be when it's like...tomorrow?
So, anyway, my point is that I'm probably going to lose my mind while my husband is off fighting terrorism around the world. In fact, I'm probably going to be pretty close before he even leaves. Is this normal? And, if so, how do I deal with it? Maybe the anwer is as simple as just be aware of it. Maybe just being aware of why I'm trying to smother him and push him away all at the same time will be enough. Maybe? Who knows. I've got to figure out something, or he's going to want to smother me, in a whole different way than I am doing to him.
Ugh, deployment sucks, and we aren't even there yet.
