Counting Skittles...

  (Let me preface this with saying I know some of you are going through deployments, and this is just TDY, but having your other half gone is having your other half gone, be it for a week, a month, or a year. It just complicates things. So, if you're going to have a problem with me making a "medium sized" deal out of Codey being gone for TDY, you might want to quit reading now.)
  Here we are, the last night together as a family for a while. I'm sitting on the couch with the twins, who are watching Fern Gully. Codey is in the recliner with Emilee, his little buddy.  They are playing with his phone making animal noises.
  Tonight we started a new tradition...counting skittles.  We have decided that our kids need to be acknowledged in the whole "Daddy leaving" thing.  So, I bough a glass jar, and some skittles and counted them out to just over the amount of time that Codey's supposed to be gone because the Army is excellent at changing dates at the last minute.
  We all sat at the kitchen table with the Ziploc bags of skittles for each kids and the glass jar. As I was explaining to the kids what was going to happen, all they could think about was eating skittles.  I think that maybe they are still too young for all this stuff, but I feel like we've got to start somewhere.  They need some way to countdown to Daddy coming home.  Their little brains aren't abstract enough to completely grasp the concept of "Daddy will be home in 6 weeks" or whatever amount of time it is. So, when the jar is empty, Daddy's home.
  They were so excited tonight about getting a piece of candy every night before bed, and waiting for the jar to be empty...However, I wonder how many times it'll take of us emptying the jar before they realize that it means Daddy is GONE. He isn't here to tuck them in at night. He isn't there to read a bedtime story or snuggle with on the couch. He's off doing work where ever the army says he's needed.
  I wonder if they'll resent him being gone, or resent the army, or even worse, resent their dad for leaving every time the army decides it's time. I would never want them to resent him for doing his job. I just know that there are going to be times when, to them, it's going to seem like "his job" comes before they do. 
  How do I combat this? How do I make them see that it hurts Daddy to leave as much as it hurts us to see him go? I suppose this is a question that all moms deal with when married to army dads...or dads married to army moms. I know so many more "male army wives" than I ever thought I would...the struggles they face are unique to them, and I can't relate as well as I'd like. (that's a different story entirely.)
  So, I guess I'll just do what I've always done, which is to just get through one day at a time. I am nervous.  Codey hasn't been gone for so long since Basic and AIT, and my kids are significantly older and more demanding than they were two years ago.  Plus, there's extra kid this time.  I'm sure it'll take some adjusting, but we should be all right, after we work out the kinks.  There are definitely going to be some rough evenings.
  It's past bedtime for the kids, but I don't want this evening to end. I want the kids to be able to play with Daddy all night long. But, they've gotta sleep, and we've gotta get last minute stuff taken care of before he leaves in the morning.
  The sooner we get this evening over with, the sooner his TDY starts and the sooner he can come home to chase the kids "around the circle," as has become our pre-bedtime custom...
 

Just trust Me

     So, today we went to the pool, as we have countless times before, with our kids. The pool is in our neighborhood, and there are always lots of families there with lots and lots of children.  I mean,  A LOT of children! 
     Usually, we go to the shallow end and let the kids hope around.  It's not much fun for Codey and me, but we do it because it is enjoyable to watch them hop around and have fun.  Plus, what else are we supposed to do? Let them screw around in there without any supervision??? Doubtful.
    Anyway, today we decided to play in a different area of the pool.  Over in the deeper end, by the stairs. You know, so they wouldn't drown and all.  Also, not the point...
     So, it wasn't too crowded, but every once in a while, there would be moms and dads who were working with their young-ish children on getting into the deep end without totally freaking out. It was kind of entertaining for me. My kids have no problem in the deep end. They LOVE the water.
     As I was floating around with Emilee, I was spending time listening to these parents talk to their children. Trying to calm their fears. Trying to assure them that they were safe.
     I realized that this is how God is with us.  I mean really...how often does God lead us into the deep end and we totally freak out? These kids were crying and whining and scared. They were afraid that they were going to be let go of and they'd sink.  Have you ever felt this way?  I know I have. 
    The parents were trying their best to reassure their kids that they were safe. I heard a lot of, "Dont worry, Daddy's not going to drop you. I'm holding you. You're fine." and a lot of "Just relax and trust me. I know what I'm doing."
     So often we are led to the deep end by our Father, and He says, "Don't worry, Daddy's got you. You're not going to fall. Just relax and trust me." He says it all throughout His word. Repeatedly, through every verse, of ever chapter, of every book of the Bible, we are reminded that "Daddy's got us."
     Tomorrow is Father's day, and our kids are blessed to have their dad at home this year. There are so many kids in the military life whose dads aren't home for Father's Day. (I know moms are gone too, but it's Father's Day.) Past the military, there a so many kids who have absent fathers.  It's heartbreaking...
     I hope to teach my kids that even though Daddy may be gone sometimes (like a lot), they have a Father. They have a Father who will always be there. He will always be there.  If only all of society could learn that. 
     I need to remember that I will also be led into the deep end at times by my Father, but He will always be there saying, "Trust me. I've got you."
    So, there's my epiphany for the day. Yet again, watching parents with their 3 year olds teaches me about how our heavenly Father deals with us. So simple. Too easy. Why do we resist so much? 
     I guess we'll never know.  We just have to keep trying. Keep going into the deep end knowing He won't let go of us.

The green eyed monster...or is it one eyed monster...Whichever, jealousy is definitely a monster

So, today we got word from my husband's brigade that he's more than likely going to go to Alaska for a month, here pretty soon. He thought I was going to be pissed because he was leaving, but instead, I'm honestly a little jealous.  I mean, here it is, the perfect time of year to go to Alaska. The sun never sets, the weather is mild, and it's hotter than ...well, you know, in Kansas. Of course, he'll be working the whole time, but still, I wanna go!

As I sat here, irritated with the fact that he gets to go see this beautiful part of the world and I am, yet again, left behind to take care of our kids and dog, I started to put things into perspective.  I started thinking maybe he's jealous sometimes that he misses out on so many things that I get to see every day, and take for granted, at that.

While he gets to go see Alaska, and spend time "bonding" with his friends from work, I will be home. With our three kids, and our puppy (who I still maintain is part demon). I will be home to watch Emilee grow and learn new words to speak, which she is doing at an incredible pace. I will be here for Alli and Anna to start whatever sport we decide to put them in in the Fall. I will be here for Frosty to, maybe, just maybe, learn how to be a normal dog.

I will be here to snuggle with Anna when she gets scared in the middle of the night. I'll be here to watch Bubble Guppies with Emilee content on my lap and Alli at my side with her blankie.  I will be here. Like I always am.

These are little things that happen every day, and I NEVER  notice them. I bet Codey will though, after he gets back from TDY. I am sure that he will soak up every minute of cuddle time with the kids, as they will with him. I should really start taking these things in every day, and enjoying them.

I'll try harder while he's gone. I'll try harder while he's home before he leave too, but definitely while he's gone. I'll try not to be so jealous of the excitement that goes along with an extended amount of time in the beautiful mountains because I know that deep down, even though he may not admit it or even recognize it, he's jealous that he won't be here, spending time with our family.