(Let me preface this with saying I know some of you are going through deployments, and this is just TDY, but having your other half gone is having your other half gone, be it for a week, a month, or a year. It just complicates things. So, if you're going to have a problem with me making a "medium sized" deal out of Codey being gone for TDY, you might want to quit reading now.)
Here we are, the last night together as a family for a while. I'm sitting on the couch with the twins, who are watching Fern Gully. Codey is in the recliner with Emilee, his little buddy. They are playing with his phone making animal noises.
Tonight we started a new tradition...counting skittles. We have decided that our kids need to be acknowledged in the whole "Daddy leaving" thing. So, I bough a glass jar, and some skittles and counted them out to just over the amount of time that Codey's supposed to be gone because the Army is excellent at changing dates at the last minute.
We all sat at the kitchen table with the Ziploc bags of skittles for each kids and the glass jar. As I was explaining to the kids what was going to happen, all they could think about was eating skittles. I think that maybe they are still too young for all this stuff, but I feel like we've got to start somewhere. They need some way to countdown to Daddy coming home. Their little brains aren't abstract enough to completely grasp the concept of "Daddy will be home in 6 weeks" or whatever amount of time it is. So, when the jar is empty, Daddy's home.
They were so excited tonight about getting a piece of candy every night before bed, and waiting for the jar to be empty...However, I wonder how many times it'll take of us emptying the jar before they realize that it means Daddy is GONE. He isn't here to tuck them in at night. He isn't there to read a bedtime story or snuggle with on the couch. He's off doing work where ever the army says he's needed.
I wonder if they'll resent him being gone, or resent the army, or even worse, resent their dad for leaving every time the army decides it's time. I would never want them to resent him for doing his job. I just know that there are going to be times when, to them, it's going to seem like "his job" comes before they do.
How do I combat this? How do I make them see that it hurts Daddy to leave as much as it hurts us to see him go? I suppose this is a question that all moms deal with when married to army dads...or dads married to army moms. I know so many more "male army wives" than I ever thought I would...the struggles they face are unique to them, and I can't relate as well as I'd like. (that's a different story entirely.)
So, I guess I'll just do what I've always done, which is to just get through one day at a time. I am nervous. Codey hasn't been gone for so long since Basic and AIT, and my kids are significantly older and more demanding than they were two years ago. Plus, there's extra kid this time. I'm sure it'll take some adjusting, but we should be all right, after we work out the kinks. There are definitely going to be some rough evenings.
It's past bedtime for the kids, but I don't want this evening to end. I want the kids to be able to play with Daddy all night long. But, they've gotta sleep, and we've gotta get last minute stuff taken care of before he leaves in the morning.
The sooner we get this evening over with, the sooner his TDY starts and the sooner he can come home to chase the kids "around the circle," as has become our pre-bedtime custom...
My dad was in the Air Force when I was growing up. Fortunately for me, by the time I came around a lot of his long-term traveling was over. However, he'd still be gone for 3-4 weeks when he did have to leave. He went to Panama a lot for some reason lol In any case, it is hard for the kids but it makes it SO much better, and even a little easier, when the dad is so involved when he *is* home. Codey obviously is and I think that makes a bigger difference than either of you know. I remember wanting to spend every minute with my dad when he was home so he let me tag along on whatever errand he had to run, even to the hardware store! I don't know what Codey's trips consist of but there were a couple of times that I remember my dad sending me a "care package" part way through. That mean the world to me! It was one thing to talk to him on the phone but the care package really spoke volumes in telling me he really was thinking of and missing me as much as I was him! I don't know what Codey could send the girls but that kind of thing might become helpful over the years :) You guys are great parents and as they see you respecting him and his job they will learn to follow suit. Esp when they're so young just be careful letting them on to your understandable frustration ;)
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