So, as most of you know, Codey came home a week ago today. It has been great. For the first 4 days he was home, I pretty much did nothing. That was wonderful! Monday came work again for him...which meant work for me.
In this life, you're always a little hesitant for them to go to work, because you never know what news they're going to bring home. If you're a planner, like I am, this can be near stroke inducing. I love plans. I love lists. I love planning my lists. I make lists for the store, for packing, for cleaning house...I plan and list for pretty much everything. One of the best gifts Codey bought me was a dry erase calendar. How pathetic, I know. But I can't help it. It's one of my favorite thing to do. Plan, outline, list, organize, execute.
My amazing husband on the other hand has this incredible ability to just "go with the flow." It's a wonder to me how he does it. I, personally, can't do it. I'm trying. I'm sure I've blogged about this before, and if I haven't, I've definitely meant to. Because it needs to be discussed.
Anyway, back to the point.
In the Army there is no such thing as "for sure." There is no exact date given...EVER. There is nothing to help a planner like me micromanage my life like I want to. And, it's hard.
My husband got sent to Alaska with a come home date of August 3rd. Then, 10 days before he was supposed to come home, it was changed to August 10th. For a pregnant control freak, this was enough to initiate a melt down. (Oh right, for those of you who didn't know, we're expecting baby number 4 in February/March of next year.) I lost it. I was so angry, frustrated, disappointed...pretty much every negative emotion you can think of, I was experiencing it. Then, a few days later, they said, "Never mind. You can leave on the 3rd." And so, my roller coaster went back up...until 2 days after that when I found out from his unit here in KS that he was, in fact, coming home on the 10th. Back down the hill we went.
I grew used to the idea, as if I had a choice. He came home on the 10th, and life was grand...until.
Until (and I have to be careful what I say because there's this pesky little thing called OPSEC that you're not supposed to break) I found out that he may leave again for Alaska in XX amount of months. That would mean he'd come super close to missing the birth. He'd miss Emilee's birthday...again. That would make two years running. Oh, I should add...she's only 18 months old. But, then again, none of this is for sure, and just ask soon as they say it, they change it. Which is exactly what they did. Alaska is on the back burner now, in exchange for a hotter, dryer, angrier location at a date yet to be determined, but most certainly sooner than expected.
Again, I LIKE TO PLAN! If my husband is going to miss every birthday, holiday, anniversary from now until we're 65 just tell me so that I can get used to it, and move on. This "maybe" crap drives me nuts! I can't handle it! How much more vague can you be? I mean, really.
I suppose this is another lesson in "letting go" and trusting in the One who has it all in His control. I think that most of the time I forget that the Army is not really in charge. I mean, they are, but they're not. There is One who is always in control. Nothing happens that is a surprise to Him. And, he's got my best interested in His mind, so why should I be freaked out about all this stuff?? I think the answer is obviously, "You shouldn't."
But how? How do we do that? How do we put the future of our lives, our families, our children in somebody else's non tangible hands?
Do you think somebody can make out a list for me on how to do that? Oh right, the Bible...
Guess I know where I need to go and what I need to do ... do you?
No comments:
Post a Comment